Secret Gratitude Givers: A Simple Family Game to Encourage Kindness and Gratitude
As we enter a season filled with giving and gathering, many families also notice a rise in sibling arguments and family opposition. Why does it often feel like the moments that are meant to be joyful and memorable are the same moments when children argue the most? Some of this is typical child behavior, and some of it needs gentle guidance.
I think back to a family vacation where every activity seemed to turn into a competition of who won the game, who got the beach chair, who played with which cousin, even who sat next to me. It was exhausting. In those moments, I couldn’t help but wonder: Am I raising children who are grateful? Do they appreciate the planning and effort behind these experiences?
A Simple Shift Toward Gratitude
To bring joy back into our trip, we tried something simple: each morning, everyone picked a slip of paper with someone’s name on it. For the whole day, their job was to secretly spread verbal kindness to that one person. Almost immediately, I noticed a change. My three-year-old began recalling sweet memories — thanking his grandfather for pushing him on the swings weeks earlier — and similar gestures of gratitude began rippling through the family. To make it even more fun, we started expressing gratitude towards people we hadn’t actually chosen, just to throw them off the trail. That playful twist spread even more joy. By the next morning, everyone was eager to find out who their secret kindness giver had been — and just as excited to draw a new name. It was a huge hit, and almost instantly, the arguing faded.
So how can we model the importance of gratitude and togetherness? Try playing Secret Gratitude Givers — a kindness-focused twist on Secret Santa. This simple, ready-to-use family game brings more calm and connection to holidays, vacations, or any high-stress family moments.
How to Play:
Write every family member’s name on a slip of paper.
Everyone draws a name in secret. (You can read names aloud for younger players.)
Throughout the day, each person finds small ways to secretly spread kindness to the person they picked. The sentence starters below can help guide the giving.
At the end of the gathering, everyone comes together to guess who their Secret Gratitude Giver was.
Each person shares how the experience made them feel.
Sentence Starters: Giving Gratitude
Try using these prompts to make the kindness concrete and specific:
“One thing I really like about you is ______.”
“You’re really good at ______.”
“You make our family/class better by ______.”
“I admire how you ______.”
“You bring joy to others when you ______.”
“I noticed you worked really hard on ______ today.”
“I appreciate it when you ______.”
“Thank you for ______. It made me feel happy.”
“I really liked how you ______.”
“It meant a lot to me when you ______.”
“I love when we ______ together.”
“I feel grateful that you’re part of our family because______.”
Sentence Starters: Sharing How It Felt
Encourage reflection and empathy with these follow-up ideas:
“It made me feel ___ when I noticed someone being kind to me because…”
“I felt really appreciated when…”
“One thing that made me smile today was…”
“I was surprised when…”
“I felt grateful when my Secret Gratitude Giver…”
“Today I realized that kindness can…”
“I felt more connected to our family/class because…”
“Something kind that really stood out to me was…”
“I felt calm/happy/excited when…”
“This activity helped me notice…”
“I felt proud of myself when I spread kindness by…”
“One act of kindness that meant a lot to me was…”
“I didn’t realize how good kindness feels until…”
“It made my day better when…”
“I want to keep spreading kindness by…”
For further enjoyment, play Secret Gratitude Givers with our downloadable game board.
Why It Works
Children (and adults!) thrive on positive attention and belonging. When we model gratitude, kindness becomes a shared language — one that strengthens families long after the holidays end. When families focus on spreading light, arguing naturally decreases. Spread the sentence starters around your Thanksgiving table and I can’t wait to hear how Secret Gratitude Givers goes with your family or class.
